The World's Runnerup, Not God MelloxNear
by kaMikaZeneKo18
Summary: A small chapter fiction that explains my reasoning of Mello and Near's "hate". MelloxNear & MattxMello
1. Chapter I

MelloxNear fans should enjoy.

I will finish this one too. XD I will not abandon! (Hugs MelloxNear fic-)

* * *

**One year before a 15 year old blonde-haired boy chose to leave an orphanage in Winchester, England…**

**He realized…**

You are always better than me, Near, why? You never even have to study – you just know things. Every time I compare myself to you I am filled with hate. _Every time..._ I deserve to be L's successor! I have earned his glory!

**He hates a boy named Near (Nate River) because…**

No… It's not just about glory. I love and respect L more than you will ever know. He is my hero, my god, and my savior. I may not believe in god but you, Near are the devil; Lucifer. You are greedy. You had it all but you chose to rebel against emotion, you have chosen to close the doors to whatever is left of your unsanitary little heart; you are nothing more than a machine. You Lucifer were one of god's favorite angels! But I'll show L I am better than you, Near! I'll show L I am pure and uncontaminated! I'll become god's favorite angel!

I hate you, Near so much because…

**I love you.**

**And I loathe everything you are.**

**He loves and loathes him. But will he tell, 'Near'?**

There's no denying it, Near. You are better than L, you are better than god. Your intelligence is even greater than god's and mine put together… but... **WHY WOULD GOD WANT SOMEONE BETTER THAN HE; HIMSELF TO SUCEED HIM?!**

I am L's equal. I have worked so hard to become #1…! But I'm only second best… the world's 'runner up'. Why is that? Because you're here!

I, Mello deserve to succeed L! Not you, Lucifer!

_I only wanted to become #1… to become L._

_And the only way to do that is…_

_By eliminating you!_

I'm nothing but a parasite to you, Near. You know nothing about L. Nothing! He is purer than you in every single way, he isn't just a machine, he is more than that! He is L; He is god.

You can't become god!

I hate you so much that I **love** you too much for you to become more of a machine than you already are!

…………………………………………………………

"Gah … h!" Mello awoke to bang his head against the top of the bed above him. _What the hell was I thinking?!_ Mello lazily rolled off of his lower bunk (Matt; his best friend and him shared bunk-beds) and staggered slowly to his feet; having just woken up his head filled with unsteadiness, he lost his breath and fell onto the cold hard tiles beneath him.

**BEEP.**

**BLIP.**

**CRASH.**

So Matt was awake playing one of his video games, then? It didn't surprise Mello much; his friend was always staying up late at night playing _Metroid Fusion_ or _Pokemon Diamond_. _Maybe this is why Matt is failing tests and 3__rd__ in line to become L?_ Mello thought mustering up all of his morning strength to pull himself up-off of the ground and to his full height.

**GAME OVER, N00B, YOU CAN TRY AGAIN NEXT TIME.**

"Fucking, tard!" Matt screamed throwing his pillow at the wall; it whizzed over Mello's hair almost nailing him in the face.

_A white-haired boy sleeping in the bottom-bunk of a bunk bed a few feet away in the same room suppresses a moan irritated by the noise and pulls his blanket over his head._

"Why the hell do I always die on this fucking one-eyed boss level, you have one fucking eye, how the hell can you be this hard to beat?!" This yelling wasn't out of the ordinary, really; Matt acted like this almost all of the time when he lost or died in a video game.

"Matt…" Mello started, "It's not the end—"

"**SHUT THE FUCK UP, MELLO!**" This wasn't surprising either. Everyone in the Wammy's house knew to leave Matt the hell alone when he was intact with playing his video games… Well everyone except Mello and Near that is.

_The white-haired boy removes his blanket and shifts his bodyweight forward off of the bed and onto his feet and starts to move towards the door._

**SHUFFLE.**

**SHUFFLE.**

Upon Hearing the noise the young Mello turns to look towards the white-haired boy who was walking away carrying a stuffed teddy bear. Now being the Mello that he is he would have been alright and ignored the person who was walking out of the room to sleep somewhere else because of him and Matt's quarreling… if that person didn't just so happen to be Near, Lucifer. Now to Mello this was one of the greatest of insults.

Near had the power to humiliate someone without even saying a word.

Near also had the power to stab someone without a sword.

Two powers Mello didn't have and would kill for.

A bright red glare illuminated Mello's eyes as he ran and pounced upon the lanky Near who was taking his time strolling out of the room. _As if he wanted to be seen and make an impression!_ Mello pinned Near to the ground and ripped the teddy bear out of the pale boy's lifeless-looking hands.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Mello screamed at the boy.

The wide ebony eyes just stared back at him. Annoyed or confused? Mello could not tell.

"Answer me!"

The boy still gave no answer; instead he brushed Mello off of him like a newborn flea and grabbed his stuffed bear attempting to leave the room again.

"Where are you going, Near?!" Mello knew where the boy was going, but he felt he had to ask the question anyways; to stay on top.

The 13 year old boy just kept walking.

Finally Mello had enough; braced with anger he attempted to lunge at the younger boy and swing his fist at him. He was startled when Near caught his fist in mid-throw stopping the impact before it even happened. _The Bastard._

:.:.:.:

_Mello you fool, you never change; you always over-looking my strength; one of the simplest of things._

"Why?!" The blonde-haired older boy replied.

Near couldn't take it anymore, as if Mello did not know 'why' he was always beaten; whether by lack of intelligence or overly emotionality Mello was a stupid fool.

"Because you're overly emotional and cannot contain your—" Near was cut off as Mello jerkily grabbed Near by the shoulders and twisted him around until they were face-to-face or eye-to-eye. Near was surprised to see Mello's face stained with tears, Mello never cried… Well except once when he accidently hit Mello with a football after Mello offered to teach him how to play the 'game'; this was the mistake that started the war between he and Mello.

"Why?! Isn't being emotional a good thing?!" Mello grabbed Near's shirt by the collar and shifted his green tear-stained eyes towards the younger boy while burying his face in Near's shirt, "Why are you always better than me?!" Mello's voice cracked through the night air like a knife, "Why?!" Mello's tears were staining Near's pajama shirt, "Why?!"

_You fool, Mello, _Near looked at the older boy who was crying over him. "Let go of my shirt, now." He commanded Mello but Mello did not move.

"Now!"

"…. No …" Mello looked up at Near, his face was beaming a mixture of red and pink.

_Fool._ "Let go," Near stared down at the older boy emotionless like a machine.

"No…!"

"You have one last chance, Mello."

"No…!"

"Why not?!" The younger boy commanded.

"Because…" Mello looked away shyly, his face was flushing red.

"Well? I'm waiting."

Mello leaned over and whispered into Near's ear so quietly even the younger boy hardly heard it, "I think I like you."

* * *

**PREVIEW TO THE NEXT CHAPTER:**

"No..."

"I only wanted to be L... I only wanted to be you, Near..."

"No...!"

"I only wanted to be (with) you..."


	2. Fading Daisy

Ok, so this isn't the story's end, but this chapter has an epic chapter end. It's suspenseful and if you don't like it, too bad. ..

You all though I abandoned this story, eh? Oh, come on what has it been? Only **2** months? xD PROCRASTINATION.

I TOLD you I wouldn't abandon. Oh and I know there's not much Matt in this story... but there will be next time, I swear! Mello needs someone in this story to confide in!

Ok so maybe the characters are a little OOC, but not as much as in crac/fic Easter Egg Nausia. : Enjoy, R&R! I rushed this a little, but it's still fair!

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Near attempted to contemplate the words "I think I like you" and no matter how you shuffled the words around, no matter how much you tried to discount their one true meaning… you couldn't escape the fact that those words, coming from a flushed boy's face could only mean one thing, whether these words were directed to someone of the same or opposite gender…

Near came to that dreaded conclusion that Mello had confessed his _true_ feelings to him, Mello, the blonde infatuated with chocolate, the one who always said he hated--_despised_ him, the one who always crushed his toys, his strength, his dreams, and his bones… _liked _him.

Near laughed.

Mello's eyes widened in a quizzical expression and he let go of the white haired boy's shirt.

And Near laughed and laughed and laughed, in fact he was laughing so hard he fell to his knees, choking himself with his own humor.

:.:.:.:

The albino was laughing at _him_!

The albino had the guts to laugh at _him_!

No, this albino was Lucifer, he was Lucifer disguised as a normal boy.

No, he was Lucifer disguised as a god.

Mello would make Near fall to the ground like he was right now, except Mello would be the one laughing. _Not_ Near.

:.:.:.:

Mello's eyes widened even further in hate or surprise, Near—for the life of him could not tell.

"I… know your plan!" The blonde shouted at the younger child on the floor.

"Oh—really, Mell—o… Tell me… What my plan is… then?" Near managed to get in through a few breaths, he couldn't help it. It's not like he didn't care, or didn't _want _to care but god only knows how long it's been since someone hit Near's funny bone _this_ hard.

"You want to take L's place—"

"That…" Near took a long breath, he had to stop his heart from pounding so hard—it fucking hurt, but in a good way, "That is true."

"You're going to take L's place then you're going to darken L's name, you'll bring filth to his cleanness. You'll dirty his name!" The blonde yelled.

"How, so isn't this L, the 'infamous' detective here you dare to call 'clean'? Or am I mistaking this L for a different L?" Near said coolly, finally finding _some_ interest in the conversation.

"L never did anything bad, _you _did!" The blonde shrieked, clenching his fists and gritting his teeth.

"What have I done, Mello?"

"You've…" Mello's voice trailed off into a faded whisper. "_You've made me fall too_…"

Near's head jerked up a little.

_You've made me fall too…_

…

That could mean so many different things, Near only sighed.

"If I'm the one on the ground, Mello… how have you fallen?"

"Don't start, Near!" Mello's voice rattled through the room, even making Matt shiver—a little.

"I don't think I have an off button…" Near responded, checking his clothes just to make sure.

"Why do you always have to be like that?!"

"Like what, Mello?"

"Don't you have feelings?!" Mello shrieked.

"I think so, maybe I dropped them, let me check…" Near responded again, checking his clothes as if to add another hint of stupidity to the already outrageous scene unfolding.

"_Don't you like me?!"_

Near laughed so heard it felt like he was having a heart attack, the excessive pounding on his chest made tears well up in his eyes and flow down his cheeks.

"What's _so_ funny, Near?!"

"…" Near pounded on the floor with his right fist, he heaved in and out tried to stop his laughter—and in between wheezing but he just couldn't succeed.

"Answer me!" The blonde yelled, picking up the boy again by the collar of his pajama shirt.

"No…," Near replied somewhere in between his laughter.

Mello dropped the younger boy on the floor, went to the door and left but not before saying, "I only wanted to be L... I only wanted to be you, Near..."

"No…!" Near tried to stop his excessive laughing but he finally gave in and laughter continued pouring into the room and throughout the hallway even louder than before leaving a discouraged flower to wither and fade away to another room in the depths of the Wammy's House.

That flower was Mello.


	3. You're Not Alone I Love You

I'm back, sad to say though this might be the last chapter of the boys at Whammys. I'm thinking (Well I know it will be) the next chapter will be in the future and will be the ending to one of the boy's perspectives.

There will be three alternate endings, for all three of the boys' perspectives.

I can't decide whether I want it to be Matt's or Mello's perspective, though... can you guys I dunno tell me what you would like to see? (I pretty much know what is going to happen in the end, but I'd like to see if you guys can help me improve it with your comments.)

This story totally differed from what I thought it was going to be in the beginning, now it's MelloxNear and MattxMello... Oo That's still gret and all, now I have some more interesting ending choices!

* * *

Matt was stalking the hallways in a search for Mello, he wasn't in the kitchen or the lunchroom… or the play room, the only place Matt could think of left was the storage room and sure enough when (after a little struggle, Matt was quite weak) the creaky door managed to open he saw the blonde curled up in a small ball whimpering quietly.

"Mello…" Matt muttered under his breath as he crouched down on the floor and attempted to sit next to the blonde. Mello's back was leaning against the cold steel wall; Matt imagined that had to hurt quite a bit.

:.:.:.:

I attempt to lean back onto the wall just like Mello… it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. It wasn't heaven either, though.

"Mello, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I think so…"

"Good." I am used to this by now, Mello's voice is faint but he's the only thing he's suffering from is depression and heart break.

…_Silence_

_I killed the conversation, didn't I?_ I think to myself.

:.:.:.:

_Just then Matt reached out his hands…_

_He lent forward…_

_And now I am safe in his warm embrace…_

_And now I question my… __**our **__sanity._

"I won't allow you to be alone anymore." Matt whispers into my ear.

"…" I don't know what to say.

"I never expected you to say anything or to give anything back…"

"What do you mean?" _Is Matt trying to add drama to our conversation for the hell of it?_

"You'll know soon enough."

_Yeah… he is._

_The figure standing beside the doorway quietly walks away, leaving not a single trace of itself anywhere near the storage room._


	4. Fortune Telling

This chapter is in Mello's perspective, I finally got around to writing it. xD I think everyone will enjoy this, as sad as it might make you but...

Behold! Beyond Birthday, L, and Light Yagami are mentioned in this chapter. Even Takada!

That's gotta count for something... right? xD Anyways, I think the next chapter will be in Matt's perspective, after that, most likely the last chapter will be in Near's.

The more you R&R, the faster the updates are and the longer, maybe even better the chapters are. It takes less than a minute to R&R. :D

After this story is over I will probably be doing another one, I thought of an INTERESTING scene with Light Yagami and L that a one-shot story can be built apon, if you guys R&R Runner up (And Easter Egg Nausia :D) the new story may end up having more than one chapter.

If you R&R you get rewards, kk? I love constructive criticism.

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing at all. **_

* * *

"_What is it, Roger?"_

"_L… is dead."_

* * *

As soon as I heard those three words my heart sunk. As I look back on that day, the day I left Whammy's house… the day I dug my own grave, I realize that…

_I knew L would die. I didn't want to admit it; I didn't think it would ever happen._

L; to me, maybe even to Matt and Near as well, was immortal. L was as important to me as the cold albino had once been. He simply couldn't die, it wasn't humanly possible. Once Near had 'rejected' me, I felt cold, lonely, hopeless; let alone miserable. Matt did his best to help but, L; the first day I met L in person, he cheered me up. Matt tried in vain to do just that, I will never forget how hard he put his efforts into trying. He's my best friend, he always will be.

I remember what L said to me, when he told me about all of those amazing cases he had taken. He always completed each case and even though he more than enough of a right to brag, he didn't.

_L always said, "Mello you can be anything you want to be, no one, not even a God can change what you become."_

L had the biggest positive influence on my life, he was so kind.

My favorite case was the one about B. _The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases_ as L called it, in all of my life time I never would have guessed that Beyond could have done such cruel things. I was never Beyond's friend but once in every great while, when Matt was too busy playing video games to notice me, or when I wasn't playing kickball I would hang out and talk with Beyond.

I'll admit, though. He was sure as hell a strange kid.

* * *

_"Mihael, what do you think about death?" The raven haired boy mused, digging his hand deeper into his jar of jelly jam._

"_Well… I'd rather stay away from it…"_

_B considered this for a moment, "But if you're going to be a detective I would think eventually you would have a run in with some kind of killer…" he paused for a short time, "maybe even a serious one."_

"_Serious?"_

"_Yeah," B stood up; there was that strange glint in his scarlet eyes that always seemed to appear when they talked about something the raven hair thought was interesting, "I think there are two kinds of murderers. The first kinds of murderers are the kinds that kill out of, passion: the lust to kill, they're the serious ones." B licked his lips, "The second kind are low-life scum, they…" Suddenly he trailed off, I wasn't looking but I'm pretty sure the thought had finally struck him that I wasn't really listening._

_Those scarlet eyes only caught rays of sunlight if we were talking about killing, torture, or pain. Otherwise they were dark and cold… maybe even lonely._

"_Hey…" B sat down again, picking up the half empty jar of jam and stuck his rather small hands deep inside, "You know it'll only be a few years till you die, Mihael. You won't even live to 20."_

"_How would you know that? You can't predict the future."_

_To this B only laughed, a cold harsh laugh, a laugh equivalent to the laugh of an auburn haired, brown eyed boy whose presence had yet to appear in the life of the blonde's, or any of the other Whammy children, including L._

* * *

And now, that my life is withering away, as the flower petals are slowly dying I know I've accomplished something in my short time in this world. I know something L probably never knew about Beyond Birthday, something that _idiot_ Near never will know.

Beyond Birthday was a tainted child. I can relate to him in some ways, although we are so different in others. We both, in at least one way were lonely. Beyond could see others' life spans before his very eyes; he couldn't simply just _stop_ seeing them. He knew when we all would die, every single one of the people he walked past on the street and at Whammy's House. _He knew. _I'll never know if it was his choice but I do know now that he _must _have had Shinigami eyes. He told me the exact day I'd die once, I didn't believe it.

I do now.

I think maybe, we both at least at one point wished we could start over.

I wish more than ever that I could now.

I want to stay at Whammy's with Matt, L, and Beyond. Even Near, as much as I dislike him now and forever.

_I'm pathetic._ As my heart is slowly stopping, as my blood is ceasing to flow, as Takada Kiyomi is sitting behind me waiting for those 40 seconds to pass and all I can think of, all that is going through my mind is…

_I don't want to die._

_That's probably the same thing B, Matt and L were thinking when their hearts stopped beating as well, when their lungs stopped breathing..._

_I really don't want to die._

**38, 30… 40**


	5. Even Glass Breaks, Even Ice Melts

This is Near's perspective, I think I will be doing Matt's perspective Saturday or Sunday. I was intending to do Mello and Matt's perspectives first but I guess that just isn't happening. xD

Near's ramblingings are kind of quick and confusing, I don't blame you if you don't understand. They were supposed to represent the new emotions that were consuming him but I guess I got carried away, didn't I?

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

"_I won't allow you to be alone anymore."_

"_I never expected you to say anything or to give anything back…"_

"_What do you mean?" _

"_You'll know soon enough."_

* * *

When I heard those words my heart skipped a beat, when I head those words…

_I felt like vomiting._

When I heard those words something broke.

_I felt so broken. _

I'm not good with words, I never was, but now I realize…

_All of my life I've been silently, slowly breaking._

I had silently walked back to the playroom; I decided to save my apology to the blonde for some other time. You can call me shy, you can call me selfish.

The truth is I just can't bring myself to ever regard Mello over myself, telling the leather wearing blond, "I'm sorry," is just like losing a silent war against myself, Mello, L and every of the other children at Whammy's. I guess that _is _selfish, isn't it?

I don't hate _them_. I just can't lose to them, I'll admit I have thought of Mello as a fool, and in quite a few ways I do believe he is. But in ways even I have been oblivious to up until now, I am a fool as well. Mello was outstandingly smart, unbelievably talented and yet he could lead such a nice and quiet "normal" life as Linda would call it. The young girl would always draw such beautiful pictures in the play room; she would also joke about how I was "abnormal". I'll admit, I didn't like it very much, I even told her the reason I never talked to her was because of her "inability to understand that normal can mean different things to people inhabiting different states of mind".

She never came to sit next to me in the play room ever again, her pencil ceased to draw as well.

Mello could get along with just about anyone; it should be obvious that I cannot. Mello had friends and even more important to him than that he had a_ best friend_.

I don't even have a familiar, let alone a _best_ friend. Until now being alone didn't matter to me, up until now it never made me feel… _lonely_. I wonder if Light Yagami, at this time, in his moment of downfall, is also feeling lonely. Losing must surely feel depressing.

_Losing…_ Have I lost? Is it my selfish pride that is yearning to say no? Did Mello lose?

_Loss… Mello had given up great amounts to chase after the last hope, the last case of his role-model._

_Did I take the victory from him…?_

_No. No, I didn't._

_I didn't, because that victory is ours to __share__. We put equal amounts into this case, if anything…_

_Mello gave up his life so that I could take the victory, but I will not._

_I refuse to take all of the credit._

_We, Mello, Matt, and I have __**won.**_

* * *

"Mello knew this… Alone, neither Mello nor I could surpass L…" _I imagine the eyes of every occupant of this warehouse are set upon me, unmoving. Unblinking. Slowly I take a deep breath, _"But together... Together we are just as able as L! Together we can surpass L! And now, working together as one… Against the Kira L himself was unable to take down, it is us who has the true evidence!" _Light's face is turning grim, his mask is starting to __**break**__,_ "If you can talk your way out of this one, by all means, please do."

_That feeling, that feeling of nausea, after all of these years has dissolved. I was selfish…_

_All because I was lonely._

I'm trying in vain to keep my stare cold and hard as I look into the brown eyes of the man standing before me; it was never this hard before… because this was not a problem before. Is it Light Yagami—_Kira _that is causing this uneasiness? Or is it _myself_?

The unnerving silence was broken by the auburn haired man's laughter piercing through the air, "That's correct…" _that feeling, the feeling I had thought dissolved_… "I am Kira." _It feels like someone has just ripped my lungs out._

_But, I can't scream. My pride won't let me._

* * *

"_Why?! Isn't being emotional a good thing?!" _

"_Why are you always better than me?!"_

"_I think I like you."_

"_You've made me fall too__…"_

* * *

The war between us, Mello had tried to defuse. Never in all of my life did I ever wish for a friend, a friend was something I thought I couldn't deal with, something I thought I was incapable of having, I always thought I was content with watching other people interact with each other.Some part of me still wants to think that now. _I am the fool_.

And now, wherever Mello may be he has every right to laugh at me, he has every right to look down on me, to squash me like a bug under his feet, to throw me away like garbage.

Because that's the same thing I did to him, this nausea will never go away until he throws me away just as I had once did to him.

But I guess this nausea will never go away, will it? Mello is dead and I am left to live with the unwavering memories of a friendship that could have been built and mistakes that I have made, everywhere I look they are there, even when I open my eyes they don't cease to exist

_He escaped._

_The door to my cage is still locked, I just have to find the right key._


	6. I hate titles An Autobiography by Matt

This turned out nothing like I thought it would be. xD (But nothing ever does, it seems, for me anyways.) This chapter is early, I was motivated by Forbiddensoul562's comments. (You should check out her stories, by the way. xD) I am so grateful to her, I have taken up the challenge of trying to portray Matt in a more of an "in character" way and I have also tried to keep this chapter interesting despite the fact Matt isn't a major character. People requested him more of a part in my story, so this is what I have come up with. These are his notes, this is where this story sadly comes to an end. I will be working on most likely an LxLight chapter fic after this, so don't feel too down, if you even enjoyed this story at all. xD Thank you my faithful readers, ff anything is incorrect please tell me. I will probably be updating Easter Egg Nausea this weekend or maybe even tomorrow. Stay tuned, thank you all and please don't give up on me.

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

Kami （神） is Japanese for god, by the way. xD_

* * *

To whoever is reading this I will take this time to introduce myself in the beginning. (Unlike my "friend" Mello who could not even take the courtesy to do that in his notes about the Los Angeles BB Murder Cases, but that is his fault. I will be short and "sweet", to the point.) I am Matt, age 20, formerly known as Mail Jeevas, but do not call me that; for that name I have long abandoned. You can do whatever you can with these notes. You can burn 'em, trash 'em… hell, you can throw them in the middle of the damn Pacific Ocean for all I care, it's not like they're anything to you. If I am right (by all means prove me wrong) you are just like all of the other passerbys in Eng—err… Japan. You'll find this note, read it, and then walk on by. You won't even bother to help because it's either too late, you don't care, or you're too busy stuffing yourself full of… what is that stuff you people eat…? Pocky? Yeah, Pocky. Go stuff yourself with it for all I care, if you're lucky you may not die of a heart attack like Mel and I are probably going to. Die the peaceful way, surely that mad man Kira wouldn't want to kill __**you**__._

_Well, anyways, I know who Kira is, so does Mello. L (Yes, L the world's greatest detective, L; we are his successors after all.) did too, it's too late for him though. I don't know if what I'm about to say will please you or bring you down on your knees, right in front of the mad man Kira kissing his damn grandma feet in rejoice, but L __**is **__dead, he has been dead. Light fucking Yagami, is posing as the new L. Yes Light Yagami (Or to you people Yagami Light, don't know your Kanji, never have) is Kira, and while the great detectives fall before him you people do nothing, but Mel and I, we will __**never **__bow before your "kami". We __**never**__ will, we'll die, give out lives up to catch him, but we will never bow to him. Yes, we will die. It has already been decided. No one can change that now, we're in far too deep, Mel… and even Near (as much as I dislike him) know that. But you will do nothing for a "pot-smoking, video game nerd" will you? No you won't, you fucking—_

_Oh… I have been rambling, sorry... as the third in line to succeed L it is my duty, before my death comes to leave to leave behind an autobiography of some kind. It's as hard for me to write this as it must be for you to read this, so please bare with me. Anyways, I've given out confidential information, haven't I? But I guess it won't matter, will it? Mello and I will be long dead by the time you've found these notes and Near will be in L's position looming over the dead Kira, laughing like hell on the inside, not even showing the slightest sign of pity or amusement on the outside. I bet you can tell that I have been rambling intentionally, can't you? Congratulations, you've won the "Fuck you, go die in a hole award". Are you wondering why I am so "obnoxious" or "uncaring", maybe even "hot-headed"? Am I the scum of human life?_

_I wish I could say I was like this ever since the day I was born, but I can't. As much as I want to, __**I can't**__. Can I do anything? Oh, that's right. I can huddle behind my video games and play Mario Kart countlessly throughout the daylight and nighttime hours… that's what you're thinking, right?_

_**Wrong.**_

_I can, and have helped my best friend dig his own grave. I loved him. Yes, in the way you people would call "sick"… and damnit I do __**not **__have AIDS! (Although I have suspicions that Near does)_

_I loved him; in his darkest hours I tried my best to comfort him. It didn't work. The only thing I succeeded in was running away from Whammy's with him, even letting people sneak past our surveillance cameras. (And damnit, I do know how to use those things, never took my eyes off of the damn things except to occasionally check my DS screen to check my current whereabouts in Pokemon Diamond… don't judge me, asshole.)_

_In the end, even though we will die anyways, I haven't done anything at all to even __**try **__and stop Mello. Nothing. I figure he knows he will die and that I will as well._

_I am willing to risk my life for him because I love him, is that so wrong?_

_I will always be willing to put my life on the line for him, until the day I die. Which probably isn't far from now._

…

_Mel is coming, I'll hid these under the table, if you've found these, congratulations you've found a dead man's last wish, do whatever you can to look up the backgrounds of "Nate River" and "Mihael Keel", don't look up the background of "Mail Jeevas". __**Ever.**_

_Even though these two people may be unknown to you, they will change the world, they will change lives._

_I only watch lives die away._

_Don't look up the past of an idiot like me. Don't you ever. Look up the pasts of people who actually __**deserve**__ to be remembered._

_Tomorrow Mel and I will attempt to capture the mad man's spokeswoman Kiyomi Takada, something tells me the day won't be as simple as that. If the day even ends for Mello and I at all… fuck, I would __**kill**__ to stop living in a world where you feel tense, where you feel hate, where every second you're waiting for your heart to stop beating, for your lungs to collapse, where every night you fear you won't wake up to see the sunshine of tomorrow._

_**I **__would __**kill**__ for that, would __**you**__?_


End file.
